Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Good morning
Went to watch Avatar alone yesterday. I absolutely love it. So I think I will watch another time at iwerks. Well, I do wonder what took me so long. Luckily they are still showing it.
Ate lunch alone, walked around alone. I haven’t done this for quite some time. It is strange but I used to be pretty much alone in year one. Nowadays, I just do everything with everyone else. tutorials, labs, etc. I do miss the feeling of being by myself. It is a good feeling actually.
Besides, you don’t have to watch a movie with someone else. But when friends heard, they were kind of shocked. They said I was brave. I wonder why. I didn’t even watch something frightening. And it is not like the someone will kidnap me or something.
so I guess it must be some social thing which I once again is not aware of.
I made a decision today. And I was happy. And very excited.
It is strange. Since that day we handed in the proposal, I have had no contact with my group. And the project is not over yet. Well, I guess everyone is just taking a breather. And it made me realise something. Meetings are fun and comfortable but out of the project, the people are just.. well acquaintances. I don’t really know how to explain it but somehow, these people, no matter how close it seemed or how fun it was during project meetings, they are still groupmates.
Labeled project groupmates.
I guess that is because we all have our “friends group”. Like a mold that no one is ever willing to get out of. The people we stayed with since beginning of college life.
The rest of them can only go as far as acquaintances. Or project mate. like staying safe? I don’t know.
Nevertheless, I am glad that my project mates are ok and fun people.
“What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good on this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”
First time in a MINI
Today, I sat in a MINI!
My first time in a MINI!
So I absolutely have to keep a record. Even though there are so much things waiting for me to do.
Had project meeting until 8++pm. And Royden offered to drive me to vivo since he was meeting his gf there. And then, I realised that he drives a MINI!
Yay, I was going to sit in a MINI!
And he decided to show me the power of his car by doing the very fast acceleration.
Though I thought it was quite dangerous, it was fun. Plus, I was in a MINI!
I sat in a MINI COOPER today.
i miss
This just has to be my busiest sem yet. But it is also my happiest. Somehow, learning became interesting. People became nice to hang out with. And my timetable doesn’t suck that bad after all.
Project work is.. hectic. But I must say I really have good luck with project mates. I really like my group this time and it feels much better than the previous group. I liked my previous group but this one feels friendlier.
I guess this is not such a bad semester after all… just a little more late nights.
Time really flies. It is week 4 already.
I wonder how friends are doing.
A startling revelation
maybe not that startling. Not as if I haven’t expected anything like that.
more like a confirmation.
nevertheless, it left me gloomy for the whole of yesterday and part of today. I didn’t think I would have that great a reaction.
I am not suppose to be affected by things like that.
It is not as if it would have made much of a difference anyway. I think it is something like an obstacle in the way of an already blocked path.
Which means, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference whether it was true or not.
But I guess, no matter how rational I think I am, I harbour hope. Which would have been a good thing actually.
it is so weird that something that has no physical impact on my life has such a huge impact on my mind. And I am not even suppose to have anything to do with this.
I can still remember the eyes. But yea, to hell with it. Nothing to do with me anymore.
On a more positive note, at least I understand a little better now. always thought he was just being ridiculous but I think I got it… just a little. but yea.
I feel less sore now. as compared to Friday night. I think I will just forget it when school starts again tomorrow.
Maybe I just have too little things in my life right now. So emphasis is on the wrong things.
I seldom make sense nowadays.
Detox
So I have yet another project to do. I guess school has reallt started. As much as I don’t want it to. I do feel very gloomy about the new project. Well, I have no other words to put it. I think my english has gone from bad to worse.
There are some changes made to the groupings. I kind of wish to have my old group back. Well, at least I know they are people who do work. Plus, I think meeting new people is a very tiring thing. Ever since I entered university, my brain has deteriorated. Not only did that wiped out the As, it also killed off the little EQ I had. Social interaction becomes bothersome and tiring. I don’t even want to try anymore.
Maybe it is just laziness. But I think things like that are suppose to come naturally. They are not suppose to make you tired. Anyway, I have a very pessimistic view on everything right now. That is hardly a good start to a semester.
I guess making friends become not very important as we get older. It is networking that is important. Which is why nobody really bothers. Unless they are into the boy girl attraction thing. That is another story altogether. I do hate growing up.
At Zl’s party the other day, mf suddenly said something like “I feel so sad”. I don’t know if it is sadness I feel but time really flies. No, I don’t think I feel sad. I think I feel frustrated. Because years pass by just like that. And I haven’t done anything significant. And I still have no goals. As in real goals, things I really want from the bottom of my heart.
Friends have moved on. I sort of feel like they know where they are going. And I feel like they are doing much more things than I am doing. In the past, I just do what I like and not do what I don’t. Why is it that I am feeling the pressure now to do much more?
I don’t think it is sadness that I feel. I think it is disappointment. disappointed at myself for being so uninspired, for the lack of drive and the laziness. Never bothered to try new things or make more memories. What is more frustrating is, I don’t want to do that, even now.
I think a small part of me is starting to protest against me. forced out of comparison? I don’t know, but somehow, I feel like I am suppose to have done more.
But I still don’t want to do it. It is sort of different now. I don’t think the friends I made in college see me in the same way as my older friends. definitely not. Because it is a different mode of interaction altogether. Somehow, this doesn’t suit me very well.
Alright. I should stop complaining. I am going to do well for the project. The people can be hateful for all I care. I will do it good. No matter what.
Complaining makes good therapy.