Detox
So I have yet another project to do. I guess school has reallt started. As much as I don’t want it to. I do feel very gloomy about the new project. Well, I have no other words to put it. I think my english has gone from bad to worse.
There are some changes made to the groupings. I kind of wish to have my old group back. Well, at least I know they are people who do work. Plus, I think meeting new people is a very tiring thing. Ever since I entered university, my brain has deteriorated. Not only did that wiped out the As, it also killed off the little EQ I had. Social interaction becomes bothersome and tiring. I don’t even want to try anymore.
Maybe it is just laziness. But I think things like that are suppose to come naturally. They are not suppose to make you tired. Anyway, I have a very pessimistic view on everything right now. That is hardly a good start to a semester.
I guess making friends become not very important as we get older. It is networking that is important. Which is why nobody really bothers. Unless they are into the boy girl attraction thing. That is another story altogether. I do hate growing up.
At Zl’s party the other day, mf suddenly said something like “I feel so sad”. I don’t know if it is sadness I feel but time really flies. No, I don’t think I feel sad. I think I feel frustrated. Because years pass by just like that. And I haven’t done anything significant. And I still have no goals. As in real goals, things I really want from the bottom of my heart.
Friends have moved on. I sort of feel like they know where they are going. And I feel like they are doing much more things than I am doing. In the past, I just do what I like and not do what I don’t. Why is it that I am feeling the pressure now to do much more?
I don’t think it is sadness that I feel. I think it is disappointment. disappointed at myself for being so uninspired, for the lack of drive and the laziness. Never bothered to try new things or make more memories. What is more frustrating is, I don’t want to do that, even now.
I think a small part of me is starting to protest against me. forced out of comparison? I don’t know, but somehow, I feel like I am suppose to have done more.
But I still don’t want to do it. It is sort of different now. I don’t think the friends I made in college see me in the same way as my older friends. definitely not. Because it is a different mode of interaction altogether. Somehow, this doesn’t suit me very well.
Alright. I should stop complaining. I am going to do well for the project. The people can be hateful for all I care. I will do it good. No matter what.
Complaining makes good therapy.