Eating Honey
And just like that, the first year of college is over.
The term is always pretty busy. But in my mind, it is never really so. It is as if I always have something to do, some deadline to meet but I was never really anxious. I don’t really know why, probably something to do with laziness, and something to do with personality. But whatever it is, I am glad that it is over.
I am actually sitting at my desk and typing on the old keyboard. I didn’t switch on the desktop during term at all and somehow, it feels good to type on this keyboard again. The sound of the typing is louder and somehow the keys sink deeper. It is a good feeling. Like that of meeting an old friend.
Which is what I did this week. Met up with those who just like me, just finished term. Like I said, meeting up with friends is always a good feeling. It is like knowing that although everything changed, something still hasn’t/ I don’t really know how to express it but it is nice, seeing everyone and being able to talk comfortably. Which I admit is something I haven’t really been able to do in university. The feeling was never really the same. If only zl is back as well.
I am currently listening to Colin Raye’s Love Me. And totally appreciating my wonderful speakers which I haven’t listened to for god knows how many donkey years. I love my tablet and everything but the speakers sucks big time. And of all the things I haven’t done in a million years, the most expensive must buying albums. I bought 3 albums at once yesterday, cost me 60 bucks. All Jason Mraz. Somehow, I got totally addicted to him during term time. Well, during term time, music is totally my friend. And I had some sort of Jason Mraz craze going on. Totally my kind of music.
There was a minor.. well I wouldn’t say conflict, more like discussion during yesterday’s lunch which made me think for a while. Frankly speaking, I haven’t thought much nowadays and I still haven’t figured it out. It was something about the world being unfair. Well, the topic wasn’t very important since it is long over and no longer relevant for us. But I ran into some problems since I sort of linked it to something else.
If the world is unfair to everyone, does that then make it fair? No matter how I think about it, it doesn’t make much sense. It is like saying, “this applies to everyone”, and yet it never really is the same for everyone. never mind that.
“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best — ” and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.”
I feel a little like that right now.
You and I both
Jason Mraz
Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me?
All things are gonna happen naturally
Oh, taking your advice and I’m looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing.
Oh, but at often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright light turns to night
Oh, until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of, of the love
Of the love that I loved
See I’m all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards.
More words than I had ever heard, and I feel so alive.
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now
Oh, love love
You and I, You and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now
Well, then I’m almost finally out of
I’m finally out of
Finally deedeedeedeedeedee
Well I’m almost finally, finally
Well I am free
Oh, I’m free
And it’s okay if you had to go away
Oh, just remember that telephones
Well, they’re workin’ them both ways
But if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I’ll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that’s okay
Cause I’ll remember everything you sang
Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
and if you could see me now
Well, then I’m almost finally out of
I’m finally out of
Finally deedeedeedeedeede
Well I’m almost finally, finally
Out of words
I am addicted. Rah.
Public enemies
I really shouldn’t be doing this right now since I have like tons of unfinished work. Let’s see… things that are important and count towards the grade… about 3 assignments due I think.
And that is not counting in the online assignments which are also dued and count towards the grades. I am also super behind in maths and physics. I think I stopped following after the first chapter for maths. As for physics, I am not hopeless yet, trying my best to catch up. At least I understand the current topic. As for my ss, it is so totally horrible I don’t even know where to start. Programming is ok… it is not that hard to follow but the rest of the subjects are just horrible. And I have so many things left undone that i don’t know where to start.
Well, got back the critique assignment today and I am glad to say that I did relatively well. I am not a very ambitious person so this is good enough for me. relative to the people around me that is.
I realise that people always hate hypocrites and backstabbers. I wonder why. It is something they write on their blog. Which, to me, doesn’t really make sense. Because who in the world would like hypocrites and backstabbers? If the profile is to show something about you, it shouldn’t be so redundant… it should be like I hate durians, or I hate maths, or I hate people with bad english etc. Not that I do because I don’t. Anyway, I don’t think I hate hypocrites and backstabbers. Probably just when people are being hypocritical and when people do things that are evil to me behind my back. You see, it is the action and the feeling and the fact that it has something to do with me. Someone living in baghdad for example can backstab all he wants and I won’t hate him.
I am being nonsensical. Work has screwed up my brain so badly that I am now spouting nonsense. Back to the evil scilab. adios.
On another note, I want to watch metal detroit city.
Return doesnt work well
I am feeling quite happy currently. Even though I am like uber sleepy. Just done with CS lab. I not only finished on time, I finished early! And I am pretty sure there is nothing wrong with my code since I passed all the dynamic tests. At least nothing major. But I feel pretty proud of myself. Because I didn’t study functions and I totally did not expect it to come out. But it did! thank god it is open book so I have like immediate reference. If not I will probably die a painful death. about 4 hours left before maths test. thank god I have no school tomorrow.
but programming is pretty fun. Just a little confusing at times. Of course, I don’t ever bother to understand why the computer does what it does… apparently everything goes a little deeper. But I usually stop at the you don’t need to know this part.
I read a part of an article today which got me all confused. Actually no. Anyway, it was on nanotechnology and its ethical aspects. Which happens to be my project for the remaining weeks. In fact, we are suppose to finish half of it by next week even though it officially starts this week. and my group members seems even more clueless than I am. And that is hardly a good thing.
Anyway, the confusing thing is that the author wrote something about how nanotechnology might face ethical dilemmas. One of which is the commodification of the human body. Apparently, with nanotechnology, it is possible to heal specific parts of the body. Like the nano particles are able to target certain cells or regions of the body and fix it up. Which makes it a fantastic thing. This would mean that there is a potential cure for anything. Apparently this does not sit well with some people. Because it likens the body to a machine… something goes wrong, you fix it. So the human body becomes like a commodity and nanotechnology demystify it.
I don’t get why this is a dilemma. I thought healers and doctors exist throughout centuries to cure illnesses? so what is wrong with fixing a small part of the body that goes wrong? So it is ok to try and solve problems in the body when there are some you can’t solve. And it is no longer ok when you can solve everything? I don’t know. Maybe, I didn’t really understood the argument. In fact, I never do get this sort of argument. Including things like the sanctity of life etc. etc.
ok, I shall do more research during the weekends. In the meantime, maths is the priority, I shall sleep early tonight, my eyes are half the size they were… last week.
Maybe some Hollywood Undead will wake me up.
Rah place
I am an extremely lazy person. It is only recently that I paid more attention to what I do.. and why I do things I do. Maybe it doesn’t really make sense. It is like evaluating yourself on hindsight. Which is kind of strange. Sometimes, you have to evaluate on hindsight because it is the only way you can do it. Like how my dad strongly believes that the main cause for the suicide of the ntu person is that he plays violent pc games. It may have nothing to do with it but one can only make guesses. maybe educated ones.
But evaluating oneself on hindsight is quite nonsensical. Like if you do something… then you think about it, then you say I did it because blahblahblah. But that is crappy because you are suppose to know why you did it. There is no need to make guesses, educated guesses or whatever. But I realise that it is a very natural thing to do. at least for me it it very natural. Like telling myself I did that because blahblahblah. And not because it is really like that but there is process of reasoning before I come to the conclusion of the reason behind certain actions or something.
And why do I have to that? Because even though I am the person doing it, I don’t know my reasons for doing something. It feels random. Not that I think it is random but now that I think about it, some actions feel random. And somehow, “randomness” is not a valid reason. Because it is hard to understand.
I am beginning to lose track of what I was thinking. Now that I think about it, this hardly makes sense. Do people normally form logical conclusions about themselves the way that I do? Probably not. It makes much more sense to have the reason then the action. The other way round is just weird.
Anyway, that wasn’t what I was thinking about. I just sort of went there on the “hindsight” thing. So I begun to evaluate some of my actions. The reason is that I realised that sometimes I close the door when I go to the toilet and sometimes I don’t. That is when I am at home and there is no one at home or it is late in the night. And I don’t really know I do that… it feels automatic. But I realise (that is after evaluating), that this is not random.
On weekday nights and at times when everyone has retreated to their rooms, I usually don’t close the door. But it is different on weekends. And I realise it also depends on the time when I go to the toilet. On hindsight, I realise that it makes perfect sense. Parents need not be considered because they sleep early and they have their own toilet in the room. Sister sleeps early on weekdays because she is extremely lazy and cant wake up early. But sister sleeps late on weekends. So naturally, by considering the probabilities, it is safer to not close the doors on weekdays than on weekends. And it also make perfect sense that the deeper into the night, the less likely I will and need to close the doors.
The other situation is when nobody is at home. This is even simpler. In the first 10 minutes when the people leave, there is a possibility that they will forget something and is near enough to travel back. After that, it is not really possible. So after that, I can safely not close the doors. But one has to evaluate where the rest have gone and how long they are likely to go for. And of course, how accurate the timings will be. School and work for example, are usually precise. Shopping is probably not so but you can judge by things like whether they are buying dinner back etc. So again, it works on probabilities. And I never close the door when there is a very low probability that the people will suddenly come back.
But of course, I think about all these only recently when I have been not closing doors for years and years. In fact since I am capable of reasoning out things and not blindly listen to parents. And not once have I been walked in on. Which means that I must be able to work out the probabilities quite well. Without working it out. Since the analysis above are like done after that. I mean, if I have to think out all those factors before going to the toilet, then it makes more sense to just close the door all the time. But I don’t do that.
So I wonder if it is just random and a bit of luck. and whatever I evaluated on hindsight is just bullshit.
Do most people just close the door all the the time?